I'll tell you after my Os

I got a really bad feeling about Os. The papers are not what i expected. argh.

mmmm.

i'll tell you again after Os. I hope you'll reciprocate.

Stray

a stray kitten you found off the roadside.
you played with, gave food, and above all, gave hope for another home.

But like all people, once you're no longer entertained by that stray animal. you leave it alone. back to where it came from. Crushing its hopes that it had raised ever since you approached it.

do you think this applies in the context of our daily lives? are we victims of such actions too?

i know i am.

I'm supposed to be mugging

Everyone all seems to be mugging. They're all staying up late, noses buried in books, writing down notes.. making their own...

why aren't i doing the same. Well, i'm doing a little bit of that. but yet, not to their kind of standard.

i know i've been consistently putting in effort for this whole year. Not too much, not to little either. But enough to get by. Its the last stretch. Its my Os. Its either i break it, or i make it. I got a new target for myself. A single digit result. And i'll get what i want too ;) !

With that, i'm sure i would be able to go to a JC of my choice. Through this year, i always thought i would be going to _JC, but recently... i've been asking myself, why is it that i want to go there? Does it really suit me? Aren't there alternatives? Am i letting the people around me affect my decision?

sigh. i dont know which jc to go to anymore. maybe i'll consider poly...? why isnt there a maris stella JC. -.- fuck. i feel more comfortable in a maris stella then ever before.

Sigh.. its time to mug again. I'll head to school tmr for some consultation i guess...

Reminiscence

There was a mass held in school today. I felt weird, because contrary to the usual masses i attend. I was one of the few Catholics that were standing up/kneeling and stuff. At least Sean Pang was with me! :D
But it signaled that my school year was coming to an end. My final school year.
Mr Lim also, did his part. He gave us the class' contact list. He gave us an individualized card for each of us. He gave us the class photo in the form of a jigsaw puzzle, perfectly, in a photo frame. He also showed a slideshow. Of how we were so quick to grow. From a mere 12 years old when we entered, to the more mature 16 year olds we are now. Thank you, Mr Lim.

I have spent 10 years in Maris Stella, including this year. From primary 1 to Secondary 4. And it has been one hell of a ride. The people i met, the activities i've been through, the friends i made, the taste of cruel reality. These are but the few that I have experienced in Maris Stella. It is these, together with the school, that has shaped me, as a person, as an individual. It wasn't all smooth sailing. But that was the beauty of it. What doesn't destroy you only makes you stronger.

I will miss this school. The place where I know I can truly feel at home.

I went swimming with my Secondary 2 Classmates today, and we went for lunch-dinner, dunch. We were talking about the times in Secondary 1, Secondary 2, how we met each other, all the different experiences we shared, all in disbelief, that tomorrow is the last day of school. Time flies... Too quickly.

And everyday, i think about my past experiences myself. Reminiscence. I do regret some things, not done properly, or not done at all. But its been a fantastic four years nonetheless. Its more than fantastic. I can't describe it in words. Its just... somehow engraved into your heart. Its a bittersweet feeling.

And soon, the past four years of rehearsal, is now going to pay off. The 'O' Levels are what we're going to tackle together, as a class, of 2009. And after that, things will never be the same again.

Off Centre

I've been feeling 'left out'. I don't know why.

I've been feeling abit 'off centre' i guess. When i read that play, i feel that i can really connect with the characters sometimes. I see their rationale, and somewhat, understand how they feel.

Are you sure that it is only because the play is crafted so intelligently in that way?

Is there a possibility, that we ourselves are off centre in our own ways? We have our moments...

Remember that passage that came our for Prelim 2? That's one of them.

i think i have lost some rationality myself.

What is...

How do you tell if ones sincere or not. People put up a great act nowadays. Sometimes they seem sincere. At other times, they do not.

Am i just reading too much into people's actions? Do i think too much? Is it wrong of me to scrutinize their every action and choice of words to extract a rough idea of what they are thinking or feeling?

Why bother, to ask of me, like you care, when you only show it minimally on a superficial level.

Why bother, to ask of me, like you enjoy my company, when you're obviously doing plenty of other stuff when i'm around.

Do you really need me to be there? Obviously not.
But, do you really want me to be there? I'll keep my fingers crossed.

You might want to ponder over that. You know who you are.

I'll disappear. Just say the word.

Anticipating..

I'm waiting for all my prelim results to come back to me. So far, it have been very mediocre... sigh. >.< I'm disappointed.

In addition, its like exactly a month to the 'O' Levels. I think i'm going to die. the anxiety/panic derived from it is enough to kill me. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>.< save me. I like company! :)